Pause.... It's Okay To Rest
Patrice Ford Lyn C.P.C
A friend reached out after receiving the post on the left.
She said it made her feel uncomfortable. Her feelings are valid.
We are in a pandemic not an extended vacation. People are dying around the world and we will each eventually know (or be) someone who has Covid-19 and is suffering or someone who has died from it, or a front line worker e.g. doctor, grocery clerk, who we worry about because of their exposure and exhaustion, or someone who is separated from their family and community as country borders close indefinitely. The emotional and psychological toll will hit us differently but it will hit us.
There is and will continue to be significant trauma due to how we are each personally impacted - isolation and loneliness leading to depression; the anxiety of job insecurity and/or job loss; overwhelm from adjusting to new responsibilities - e.g., home schooling; the terror of being stuck in homes that are abusive; rage because of the recklessness (e.g., lack of social distancing) of people we love and people we don't know and how that affects them and us.
It's upending to try to wrap our minds around the level of uncertainty this brings given we have no idea how long things will be different, how many people will die, who will die, how to fully protect ourselves, what else will be asked of us, and what else will change.
So, what we need is self compassion not self critique. Each moment will be different. Sometimes we may in fact feel super productive, other times we may experience grief, anxiety, fear, sorrow, sadness or confusion. Each person will have their own reckoning as these truths find them.
So here are a few ways to reframe our experiences that might be helpful:
Instead of: "I am failing at everything. I'm a horrible mom and a horrible colleague." How about: "As the 'new normal' continues to change, it's an ongoing challenge to figure out how to balance everything and that can be really hard."
Instead of: "Everyone else is being productive, why am I having such difficulty?" Ask: What do I need right in this moment? What can I do to meet that need? (Then do it.) Comparison is the thief of joy. Do your best and know that others will process differently.
Instead of taking out your frustration on your colleagues, family and friends, discuss expectations and set boundaries. You can't control the behavior of others, but you can control your own.
Instead of expecting all the pieces in your life to function as if we are not in a pandemic, give yourself grace. Not everything you were doing before the pandemic still has to happen with the same frequency, accuracy, and timeliness. Some things don't need to happen at all and yet you will need to learn new routines and ways of being. Prioritizing your emotional, mental, and physical health will bring some peace and perspective.
Instead of trying to predict when everything will return to "normal", understand when upheaval occurs, uncertainty follows. The more we try to control, the more debilitating uncertainty can feel. Focus on the things that are in your sphere of influence and let go of the things that are not. Know that some days the uncertainty will be easier to manage than others.
These are the moments to remember that even with all our accomplishments and badassery - we are still human. Develop a practice of slowing down and checking in with yourself. How can you find small pockets (if not chunks of time) in your day to recenter - stretch, meditate, go for a walk, reconnect with nature, talk with a friend - so that you are build the self-awareness you need to give yourself the compassion you deserve?
Namaste.